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Is My Newborns Sleep Normal?
- thesmartdoula
- Sep 9
- 10 min read
Is my newborn's sleep normal? They won't sleep in their cot! They only want to sleep on me!
If I had a pound every time my Virtual Doula families ask about their newborn's sleep, even just in those first two weeks that I support as standard postnatally, I'd be rich!
It was something that I struggled with greatly especially with my first, endless cycles of trying to get her to sleep, carefully putting her down, her waking furious and starting again!
I tried it all, the free apps, the paid for ones, schedules, settling techniques, midnight googling got expensive!
And whilst a schedule helped us to undertand that she was MUCH less grumpy when she had napped, the other techniques left me uneasy.
Second time round we knew what to expect and emrbaced the contact naps amd safe co-sleeping, things were much less stressful, but we were still left confused when this baby didnt seem to need a schedule!
I have always lead with my heart when advising Virtual Doula families about sleep, and what is normal, although contact naps may be the biological norm a mother needs a great support system around her to not feel trapped by this.
I am thrilled to start working with Amanda, to offer her services to the families I work with new and old!
In this blog she is going to teach you all about newborn sleep (well as much as she can in a blog post!)
The Worlds 1st Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner
Hello! I am Amanda, the World’s 1st Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner. Let's just say, I am not your ‘typical’ infant sleep consultant! I have been trained by two neuroscientists, Dr Greer Kirchenbaum and Dr Rocio Zunini. My approach is evidence-based, rooted in neuroscience and is attachment focused, with absolutely ZERO sleep training!
There is a lot we can do to optimise sleep for our little ones (and ourselves!), but a huge part of my role is actually educating parents on normal infant neurobiology, and how this relates to sleep. I am so passionate about empowering parents with this knowledge, so they can bust sleep and nurture myths themselves and tune into those beautiful and POWERFUL instincts!
The Science of Sleep - Sleep Biology
You may be wondering, how is sleep actually regulated? Well, there are 2 mechanisms that work together to do so, homeostatic sleep pressure and circadian rhythm. During the day time for naps, their bodies rely predominantly on sleep pressure, whereas at night time, circadian rhythm is on our side too.
We all have a master biological clock known as the SCN (suprachiasmatic nucleus). This can be found in the hypothalamus and regulates most circadian rhythms in the body (Morrison, 2023). Let's get into some of these infant sleep features to help reassure you if you are experiencing challenges with day and night sleep.
Do newborns know the difference between day and night?
Circadian Rhythm and Melatonin Development:
When babies are born, they do not have a regular circadian rhythm (internal 24- hour biological clock). This means they are unable to regulate their metabolism, hormone production, and, importantly, their sleep-wake states (Rosenwasser & Turek, 2015).
We often hear the phrase ‘day and night confusion’. It is safe to say that I am not a fan of the wording here, implying our newborns are getting it ‘wrong’ or are at ‘fault’. If your baby does not appear to know the difference between day and night, that is because it actually does not even start maturing until 12-14 weeks!
There is evidence to suggest, however, that summer born babies actually experience an accelerated process, simply by being exposed to natural light more frequently and for longer periods of time.
Now it is important to note that the circadian system actually begins developing in utero. The mother's hormone rhythms (melatonin and cortisol), provide the fetus with information about external day and night cycles. Therefore, in utero, they have direct contact with the maternal SCN! When they are born, they lose this connection with the maternal SCN. They instead begin to establish their own circadian rhythms through:
1) Breastmilk
2) Natural light exposure
Can breastmilk help my baby sleep?
The composition of breastmilk fluctuates throughout the day, most notably with melatonin increasing greatly at nighttime (Cohen Engler et al., 2012; Sánchez et al., 2009). Ask an IBCLC about labelling pumped breastmilk depending on the time of day that it was expressed.
Breastmilk is truly remarkable for many reasons. But did you know that it also contains neuropeptides which ALSO help promote sleep, which can be found in nighttime breastmilk. (Sánchez et al., 2009).
For formula-fed infants, they rely more heavily on the second key factor, light exposure.
Why a morning walk may help your newborn sleep
You have most likely heard of the hormone melatonin. This is a hormone that regulates sleep and wake states and is extremely sensitive to light exposure. When we are exposed to natural light, melatonin release is inhibited, and when we are in darkness melatonin production increases to help promote sleep. We see melatonin only just begin to be released in infants starting at about 12-14 weeks (Joseph et al., 2015), although when infants sleep for consolidated stretches early on, this has been seen as early as 4-6 weeks and is the exception, not the norm!
If your newborn does not appear to know the difference between day and night, please know that this is entirely normal. Challenging, but normal! If breastfeeding is part of your journey, know that this is making a huge difference to the development of your baby’s internal body clock.
For all babies, getting outdoors regularly throughout the day (particularly in the morning), is a wonderful way to optimise the development of their circadian rhythm. And better yet, continue to offer lots of outdoor time even when this system has developed for optimal sleep hygiene and health!
How Much Sleep Does My Baby Need During the Day?
Have you ever found yourself online at 3 am searching the web for accurate information on how long your baby needs to sleep during the day, at what times, and for how long?
The fact of the matter is, we all have hugely variable sleep needs, i.e, the total amount of sleep we need in a 24-hour period.
There are averages for the number of naps infants take based on their age (but again, hugely variable!):
0-3 months | Varies |
3-6 months | 4 |
6-9 months | 3 |
9-16 months | 2 |
16-24 months | 1 |
2-2.5 years | 1 |
2.5-5 years | 0-1 |
I want parents to know that short naps are not inherently bad and are actually more common than not (particularly in those first 9 months).
Remember, we are relying entirely on sleep pressure throughout the day and when they are having multiple naps, short naps are often enough to relieve that sleep pressure (and cortisol) for them during the day.
The key question to ask yourself is, are they happy and energetic between naps? If so, short naps are working for them! If not, we could look at tweaking timings and sleep optimisation as a whole.
I am available for 1:1 online sleep consultations should you be seeking expert support in a fully responsive way:
My Baby Will Only Sleep On Me
The Infant Brain EXPECTS Proximity!
Have you ever felt guilty for contact napping with your little one? Or perhaps you have tried everything under the sun to try and get them to sleep in their cot, as you have lots of jobs to do, or feel like you are hindering them by holding them for their naps?
The truth is, the infant brain expects proximity. By this, I mean it is the biological norm to signal to us when they are not in very close contact. Our little ones attach through the senses in the first year of life. For some, they may be content in their moses basket as long as they can hear and smell you. Others, need the FULL sensory experience, in your arms, tasting milk, smelling and hearing you and seeing you when they open their eyes. I promise you, this is incredibly normal. There is nothing wrong with you or your baby if they require very close sleep, day and night!
Now maybe your friend's baby sleeps no problem in the moses basket and their crib all night. This is the exception, not the rule and is largely temperament related! You are doing absolutely nothing wrong by contact napping with your baby , well into infancy!
You are actually doing profound brain-building work. Think of contact naps as an opportunity to bathe your baby’s brain in happy hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, GABA, and endorphins, while they sleep! The physical contact and safety you are providing their little nervous systems is immensely beneficial to a developing brain. For more on this, I highly recommend you read The Nurture Revolution, by Dr Greer Kirchenbaum:
I'd Never Co-Sleep with My Newborn
Cosleeping Safely Following The Safe Sleep 7:
It is absolutely crucial for all parents to learn how to cosleep safely by following the safe sleep 7, even if they do not intend to! Cosleeping is actually a broader term for a baby sleeping very close to you within reaching distance, such as a bedside crib. When a baby sleeps in bed with you, this is called bedsharing.
I will be completely honest, during my pregnancy, I did not even read the safe cosleeping guidelines! I was adamant that my baby would sleep in her crib and I would never need her in my ‘dangerous’ bed. How wrong I was! You may have heard that cosleeping or bedsharing is very dangerous and actually increases the risk of SIDS. This is entirely false!
When following the safe sleep 7 and bedsharing with intention, it is as safe as a baby sleeping in their own sleep space, such as a cot without loose blankets and comforters. If there is one or more hazards present in the bedsharing environment that are not in alignment with the safe sleep 7, this IS incredibly dangerous.
Here is a full breakdown from La Leche League on the safe sleep 7 and how to bedshare safely with intention:
I also recommend that you read or listen to the book ‘Safe Infant Sleep’ by Dr James Mcknenna. He talks in depth about the safety of bedsharing, the truth about SIDS, and the prominent issues in the research and mainstream misinformation around the safety of bedsharing. I read this book when my baby was very young (before my nurture neuroscience practitioner training), and it not only lessened my fears and anxiety around bedsharing, but actually made me feel confident and passionate about it!!:
You might be asking, why would you need to know any of this if you do not plan to bedshare? This is because when you look at infant sleep through the lens of infant brain development, you know that independent sleep is usually very challenging for an infant.
Bedsharing might be the only way you can both get a restful night's sleep, and by being educated and prepared you are less likely to fall asleep in a dangerous situation, such as on a sofa or a rocking chair. You will know to remove their swaddle before bringing them into your bed, etc!
During my nurture neuroscience practitioner training, I learned that newborns are operating mainly from their brainstem, known as the survival brain.
When newborns are not in very close proximity to their primary caregiver (at the breast/in their arms/ on their chest), their survival brain feels under threat. In this event, the baby will then signal to their caregiver by crying to be picked up and soothed. In contrast, when infants are very close to their caregiver, their parasympathetic nervous system is activated and they enter a safety state, which is essential to be able to fall asleep (Gunnar, 2017). I encourage you to work with your baby's biology by remaining close, knowing that this is nature's best strategy for optimal sleep for the whole family!
Please know, if your baby does not tolerate their bedside crib for very long (or at all!!!), this is entirely normal. Many parents find that their baby will only sleep on their mother's chest.
Here is a post from The Happy Cosleeper on minimising the risks and safely chest sleeping in a bed with your baby (particularly useful if your baby has reflux):
The only other safe position to sleep with your baby under the age of 1 in a bed is a position known as ‘the c-curl’. Here is another happy cosleeper post on how to do so safely:
I moderate for ‘The Happy Cosleeper’, Isadora Ambrose in her cosleeping community facebook group where cosleeping safety and supporting parents is our priority. Come and join over 260k members!:
New Virtual Doula Package!
The Smart Doula back again to let you know that Amanda and I have put together an amazing new Virtual Doula Support package, which includes:
All the features of the Birth Companion package PLUS:
A 1 hr antenatal session with Amanda from North Star Nurture, which could cover:
Guidance on attachment and sleep
Normalising newborn sleep (neuoscience-led)
Understanding medical red flags
Safe bedsharing education
Myth busting
Plus 2 weeks WhatsApp or email support to be used when you need it within the first 3 months
Head to my website to find out more!
Special Offer!
I would love to offer readers who are either pregnant or have a baby aged between 0 and 3 years of age, a 20% discount on both of my 1:1 sleep consultation packages using the code ‘SMARTDOULA20’.
References:
Cohen Engler, A., Hadash, A., Shehadeh, N., & Pillar, G. (2012). Breastfeeding may improve
nocturnal sleep and reduce infantile colic: Potential role of breast milk melatonin.
European Journal of Pediatrics, 171(4), 729–732.
Gunnar, M. R. (2017a). Social Buffering of Stress in Development: A Career Perspective.
Perspectives on Psychological Science, 12(3), 355–373.
Joseph, D., Chong, N. W., Shanks, M. E., Rosato, E., Taub, N. A., Petersen, S. A., Symonds, M.
E., Whitehouse, W. P., & Wailoo, M. (2015). Getting rhythm: How do babies do it?
Archives of Disease in Childhood. Fetal and Neonatal Edition, 100(1), F50-54.
Ma MA, Morrison EH. Neuroanatomy, Nucleus Suprachiasmatic. [Updated 2023 Jul 24]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2025 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546664/
National Sleep Foundation’s sleep time duration recommendations: methodology and results summary. Hirshkowitz, Max et al. Sleep Health: Journal of the National Sleep Foundation, Volume 1, Issue 1, 40 - 43
Rosenwasser, A. M., & Turek, F. W. (2015). Neurobiology of Circadian Rhythm Regulation.
Sleep Medicine Clinics, 10(4), 403–412. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsmc.2015.08.003
Sánchez, C. L., Cubero, J., Sánchez, J., Chanclón, B., Rivero, M., Rodríguez, A. B., & Barriga,
C. (2009). The possible role of human milk nucleotides as sleep inducers. Nutritional
Neuroscience, 12(1), 2–8. https://doi.org/10.1179/147683009X388922
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